I Love Balls

June 24, 2011 § Leave a comment

And I don’t mean beach balls


or costume balls


or bowling balls


or meat balls.


I mean man balls.

Nads.  Junk. Cajones. Family jewels. Nutsacks. Bollocks.

Without them, my children would not be alive. None of us would be. What’s not to love?

Balls are the target of what is probably the most universal sight gag on the planet.


Balls are the butt (pun intended) of many jokes.

This guy comes into his doctor’s office and tells him he’s got a serious problem, that one of his balls is REALLY swollen. So the doctor asks him to show him, and the guy tells him he’s not gonna ’cause he knows the doctor’s gonna crack up. After about 1/2 an hour of arguing, he unzips his pants, and pulls out something so gigantic it almost breaks the table in half.

Naturally the doctor can’t resist and cracks up.

“You lied!” the guy replies, “now I’m NOT showing you the swollen one.”

This joke is funny to most people, but for some, it’s tragic. Like Lance Armstrong, who lost a swollen ball to testicular cancer. Or my cousin’s 17-year old son, Kyle, who recently lost his life to the disease.

If you have balls, or know someone who has balls, please let them know of the main symptoms of testicular cancer:  a lump, pain or swelling in a testicle. Men between the ages of 15-35 are particularly susceptible.

And if you love balls, consider wearing a wristband that declares your love to the world. Kyle’s 14-year old sister has started a fundraiser selling wristbands to raise awareness about testicular cancer.

i-heart-balls wristbands

You can buy one here. Teenage girls seem to love these bracelets. I can’t figure out why. And they work! I’ve been wearing mine every day, and it amazes me how many strangers are not shy about asking me, “Ummm, does your bracelet say “I love BALLS?” And I get to answer “Yes, and let me tell you why.” And I get to tell Kyle’s story.

But the fundraiser is not discriminatory. You can also order a wristband that declares your general hate for all forms or the life-sucking disease.

f*ck cancer wristbands

Balls are funny to look at and fun to play with. Love yourself some balls today! And while you’re loving them, do a quick check to make sure they are properly inflated.



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